When I was growing up, and even into adulthood, my parents have always told me that one day I’ll wake up and wonder where the time went.  I’m already there, and I’m only 37 years old. It is amazing how each choice in your life leads you to a different place, a different choice. Each decision is the foundation for another decision, and another.  When I watched the movie, The Butterfly Effect, with Ashton Kutcher, back in 2004, little did I know how much it would affect my future.  I have experienced the reality that making one good or bad choice can lead you in many different directions and that hindsight is truly 20/20.

I had my first child at the mere age of 15, and my eighth child at the age of 37, and each child was raised just a little bit different because of the maturity I gained with each year. With each of my problems and experiences, I grew a little bit; with each of my children’s problems and experiences, I grew a little more. I gave birth to my last child not long ago, and my outlook on life is so completely different than my outlook on life at 15 years old. I felt invincible then, like I would never get old. I felt that my child would always be little, and on some days, I would push for her to grow up just a little bit faster. Excited for the first crawl, the first step, the first word. Now, I dread it because this is going to be the last first crawl, the last first step, and the last first word. Seven times so far I have done this, and now my final time. This is going to be my cherished time.

I have had this unique experience of becoming a mom over and over again in a span of 22 years, with a gap in between my two “sets” of kids, a nice enough gap that made me appreciate the younger set of kids so much more, having realized how fast the first set grew up. We were always in “hurry up” mode. Hurry, you have to get on the bus. Hurry, you have basketball practice. Hurry, you have to get bed. This time, I’m trying to slow down. I wish I could slow time, or even stop time, but that’s not possible. So I need to embrace it. I need to bank on those experiences of my past, and use them to appreciate the future.

My older set of kids had a “different mom” than my younger set has because I now appreciate time, I appreciate them. Even when they are being naughty and I get frustrated, I tell myself that soon those days will be gone, and I will wish for them back.  The song, “You’re Gonna Miss This,” by Trace Adkins, is so very, very true.  I know it is because my firstborn is 22 and has two babies of her own and my second born is 19 and I rarely see her anymore, even though she is still at home.  I miss the days when they were little.  I wish I could turn back time and just soak in every moment.  I wish I knew then what I know now because our lives would have been very different and I would have taken more time with them because little did I know how fast that time was going to go…little did I know that literally one day I would wake up and wonder where the time went.”